If you are a regular reader of this blog, first, thank you! Second, perhaps you’ll remember the post from several days ago I Could Hide Out Under There… I Just Made You Say Underwear! This is a follow up to that post, and may not entirely make sense unless you’ve read the prior.
Today, I got brave. I searched deep within me to muster up all the available courage in my body. That, to be quite frank, didn’t take long! Once I was feeling up to it, I journeyed to Walmart to do that which I thought I was incapable of doing… I went to buy underwear.
As you learned in the previous post, my biggest fear in doing this was facing the girl at the checkout line. I couldn’t handle the thought of her, or anyone for that matter, seeing what kind of underwear I was purchasing. The embarrassment was simply more than I could bear. However, now moving forward in my life as a bachelor, it was inevitable that sooner, rather than later, I would have to get some new undies. Today was that day.
Everything was going great until I actually got to the underwear isle. Do you know what awaits a man in the underwear isle? The obvious answer, of course, is underwear. You are correct. The deeper rooted answer is underwear packaging! Have you ever looked at the packaging on mens underwear? Good grief!!! What the crap is up with that stuff???
As I stood in the isle, my innocent eyes were bombarded with images of men, whom, for the sake of self confidence, I will believe have been photoshopped beyond recognition of their original forms. Men with chiseled abs and “packages” the size of, well, baseballs! I’d love to know the marketing genius that came up with these packages, speaking of the external package now. What would ever posses them to think that I, a man, would want to be subjected to this??? I mean, in all honesty, I was embarrassed to even stand in the isle, and was forever looking over my shoulder to be sure nobody was watching me!
Shopping for underwear should not feel like a trip to an Adult Novelty store, unless of course you’re shopping for underwear at an Adult Novelty store!!! It’s disturbing! And I’m sorry, but the men on those packages, with who knows what stuffed you know where is simply wrong!
Perhaps there is an opportunity in this experience. An opportunity to design a new form of packaging for mens underwear. Perhaps nice hand drawn pictures depicting nothing more than the boxers or briefs. Maybe cartoons would make it less humiliating? I don’t know if these would work, but there has got to be a better solution than me standing in an isle filled with pictures of practically naked men, enhanced beyond ridiculousness, smiling back at me! Oh, did I fail to mention that on some of the packing the models are smiling?
The way I see it, I now have three options for the future. Option 1: I never buy underwear ever again – perhaps a less than ideal solution, I’ll give you that. Option 2: I learn to make my own underwear. How hard can it be? Option 3: I need to find a wife before this round of boxers wear out!!!
2 Responses
First of all…don’t they have self checkout lanes in Canada? That could save you the embarrassment of the checkout girl.
Secondly, perhaps a theory behind the packaging could be that you are not alone in your feelings toward buying underwear. Possibly the marketing companies count on women buying these underwear for their husbands or boyfriends…and they will most definitely take into consideration the pictures on the package…perhaps they think that their significant other will look that good if he wears them. Just a theory…but my husband just told me the other day that he needs some new boxers…so I’m looking forward to my next trip to Target.
Posted on January 31st, 2009 at 11:34
[...] their tongues and look like a zipper. Then men, with their stuffed boxers (refer to this blog What’s With The Package On The Package? for more on that) and washboard abs, set a standard which is virtually unattainable by those of us [...]
Posted on April 16th, 2009 at 00:24
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