Because I Can… the random thoughts of Marc Scott

Tonight’s Lotto 6/49 jackpot is an estimated $43 million dollars.  That makes it one of the largest in OLG history.  As a result, people all across the country are out today frantically buying tickets hoping for their piece of the pie.

On my way into work I stopped at a convenience store and people were actually lined up, waiting to get their tickets.  I wasn’t necessarily surprised by that, but I was surprised by the dollar amounts people were spending.  How can people complain about the economy and lack of disposable income, and then go out and drop $20, $30, $50 or even $100 on lottery tickets?  You might as well flush that money down the toilet, or give it me!

I bought my ticket, and I have my dreams of winning big.  A single ticket.  A single line.  After all, it only takes one line to win big!  I’ve already made a number of plans my big win.  Among them, vehicles for 2 friends, and a home theatre system for another.  At this point I’ve yet to make any plans of gifts for myself, but I’m sure if I think hard enough I can come up with something creative!  I even went so far as to inform a couple of colleagues that I wouldn’t be in for work in the morning!  (Don’t worry, even after I win, I’ll still come to work.)

Since the jackpot tonight is so big it’s been receiving a significant amount of media attention.  This morning I read one story in particular that made me laugh.  Apparently, a large number of people have turned to psychics.  They are actually paying these psychics to give them the winning numbers!

On that note, I offer the following prediction regarding tonight’s draw that you can take to the bank.  If, in fact, there was such a thing as a psychic that could predict the winning lottery numbers, do you really think they’d be giving them away?  I’m going to go ahead and vote NO on that!  Especially when the jackpot is so large!

I must commend the psychics on their entrepreneurial skills though!  It’s quite a gig they’ve got going for themselves.  After all, even if they can’t predict the numbers for the “Big One” they’re still cashing in on a lottery of their own!  It’s a lottery funded by gullible, desperate people who apparently don’t know any better!

Good luck in the draw!

Remember the good old days when gas pumps had the clicker.  You know what I’m talking about… that little clicking lock on the pump handle that allowed us to do something productive while our vehicle was fueling.  I miss the clicker.

My journey to work each day should not be a difficult one.  I have roughly 35km to travel, and a relatively direct route to get there.  On the drive into work, I like to try and use the time to mentally prepare myself for delivering a great show.  On the drive home from work, I like to decompress.

Unfortunately for me, the road I must travel is a long and winding road (cue the Beatles) only 2 lanes wide.  To make matters worse, the opportunities to pass are few and far between.  This means that when I get stuck behind someone out for a leisurely cruise, they screw up my universe!

I have a question for you to consider.  In Canada, as in most places, we have a speed limit.  If you travel above the posted speed limit you are risking the possibility of being stopped by the Police and ticketed.  So why then, is the same not true if you travel below the posted speed limit?  What is it that makes one legal and one not?  What is it that makes one OK and one not?

I offer to you that some drivers traveling under the speed limit are equally as dangerous as those that travel above the posted speed limit.  I mean really, if you’re not comfortable or confident enough to drive your vehicle at the posted speed limit, then should you really be driving?  I think it’s a fair question.

I am not one prone to road rage.  In fact, I’m about as easy going as they come.  Tonight, however, I was having every last ounce of patience in my body put to the test.

As soon as I pulled onto the highway I travel to work I got stuck behind an individual that was apparently not in a hurry.  In fact, we averaged about 63km/h in a posted 80k/h zone.  Every so often they would drift up towards 75km/h and as soon as they clued in to that fact, they’d promptly apply the brakes.

Remember how I mentioned it was a winding road I traveled?  Well on each of the bends, they’d slow down even further.  Keep in mind, this is not an F1 circuit we’re driving here.  It is perfectly safe to take each of the bends and curves at 80km/h.  But not for junior!  No, junior had to slow down to as little as 55km/h for each of these curves.

Not long into this experience traffic was lined up behind this individual like it is on the 401 during rush hour.  A long line of drivers growling increasingly impatient, but having no escape on a 2 lane highway with limited opportunities to pass!

So why is this practice acceptable?  If I go 90 in an 80km/h zone I can be ticketed.  But somebody going 50 in an 80km/h zone and causing a total log jam of traffic is deemed legal?  Somebody please explain the logic in that to me, because I sure as heck can’t figure it out!

I am going to do the world a favor and solve one of the major causes of the road rage epidemic in one swift blow.  Are you ready for this moment of brilliance?  Are you ready for the solution to one of the countries most violent problems?  I offer it now for free…

Lets make a law!!!  A law that says if you can’t drive the speed limit… you can’t drive!!!  Now, pull over to the shoulder and GET OUT OF MY WAY!!!

President Barack Obama is the 44th President of the United States.  The first African American President in the history of the country.  History in the making, taking place before us!  Yesterday was his first full day in office and he already started laying the smack down on several issues.

A day in office and the President has put the wheels in motion to shut down Guantanamo Bay, and he’s ordered a freeze on wages for top people in the White House (a call I certainly respect).  There is one other thing he did… he retook the oath of office due to the fact that both he, and Chief Justice Roberts absolutely destroyed it during the inauguration ceremonies.  Everything is OK now.  If there was any doubt in your mind, lay it to rest.  Obama is officially the President!

I feel that it’s important for me to highlight some of the events of the day from yesterday because you might have missed them.  You see, all the things the new, history making President worked on, were overshadowed by something else.

As I surfed around the internet yesterday, and even still today, looking for things to talk about on my radio show, one headline popped up more than any other.  It was on the front page of MSN.ca and .com, Yahoo.ca and .com, AOL.ca and .com and a dozen other web sites as well.

It had nothing to do with the stance the President has taken on Gitmo.  It had nothing to do with the ceasefire between Gaza and Israel.  There was no mention of the war in Afghanistan.  It wasn’t about the encomony, recession or the unemployment rate.

Yesterday the world seemed to be only talking about, searching for, and concerned with one thing… a dress.  Yes, with all that’s going on the world, with history unfolding in the United States, people only cared about one thing… a dress.

I couldn’t escape it.  The First Lady of Fashion.  God bless America!  It’s good to see you’ve got your priorities straight!!!

On that note, this morning I’m wearing a sexy little number from Old Navy.  The base of the outfit is a comfy pair of Fruit Of The Looms, blue with a grey band.  Dark blue… real men wear dark blue!  My feet are draped with an elegant pair of white socks that so gently caress my ankles.  To the surprise of my female readers, yes, they are clean, and no, they don’t have holes in the ankles!!!

The pants are black with 2 white stripes and single blue stripe on each leg.  They send a very clear message that this is man who’s not afraid to spice things up with a splash of color!  They also say, here is a guy that color coordinates his pants and his underwear, because you never know when you might be in an accident and a cute nurse has to see your boxers!!!

Fruit of the Loom plays an important role in this mornings ensemble.  Nothing but the best to touch the soft skin of this body.  The V-neck Fruit of the Looms undershirt offers a glance of the chest.  PG… not R.  It’s enough to intrigue you, are they pecks or saggy man boobs you’ll wonder?  Well keep wondering baby, because that’s all the show you’ll get to see!

Over top of the V-neck, a red shirt.  And why red on this crisp winters morn?  My day started with a fire call, and Firefighters wear red because flames are hot!  This sophisticated long sleeved number gracefully drapes over my form, disguising even the slightest hint of a belly.  Is there a 6 pack under there?  You just keep asking yourself that!

Now that you’ve finished choking on your corn flakes I ask you this.  What makes my outfit any less newsworthy than the First Lady?  Or, vice versa… what makes the first ladies outfit anymore newsworthy than mine?

Vanity.  It’s all vanity.  We actually devote our time, energy, and dollars to achieve a certain image, and to what end?  To be popular?  To be socially acceptable?  To gain fame?  To gain praise?  To dominate the headlines as the First Lady of Fashion?

We wear clothes because of who endorses them.  We buy perfumes and beauty products because of the name on the bottle.  We spend outrageous sums of money on this quest for beauty, perfection, acceptance.  The problem is, we never find it!

If you’re not content with whats inside, all the designer labels and celebrity endorsed products in the world won’t make you content with what’s on the outside.

When the media describes Michelle Obama’s outfit, so many people watch it and read about it.  When I described my outfit, you laughed, and you should!  Devoting so much focus to such frivilous things is a joke!  Only, maybe now you’ll realize it.

Back in the day when people carried cash and went to the gas station it seemed a little more of a priority to pump an even amount in your tank.  If you were carrying a $20 you pumped $20 just because you didn’t want to walk around with a pocket full a change.  You also had to be careful not to go over $20 because if you hit $20.03 and had no change, you were screwed.

That was then, this is now.  Nobody carries cash anymore.  I haven’t had cash in years, although that may have more to do with my career choice and less to do with actually carrying cash, but, I digress.  The world is run with plastic now.  Credit cards and debits cards is how business is done.  Cash is practically a thing of the past, good for little more than spreading germs. 

With this in mind, why is it that so many of us are still obsessive about pumping an even amount in our tank?  I am just as guilty as the next.  I thought about it today while I was filling my truck.  It clicked off at $41.27.  I then proceeded to stand there, in the freezing cold, squeezing the trigger ever so gently to bring the total to an even $42.

When I hit $42 I stood there and thought to myself, “you’re such a dork!”  I mean really, what do I think will happen if I don’t hit an even number?  Will those fueling up around me suddenly break into a song and dance routine mocking my inability to properly pump gas (that would be awesome by the way)?  When I go into the store to pay will the girl behind the counter accept my credit card with a smirk on her face, all the while laughing heartily at me on the inside (I suspect some do this anyway)?  Will alarm systems activate if I hang the handle back up on an uneven dollar amount (this I don’t actually know because I’ve yet to try)?

There is no reward for pumping an even dollar amount.  I save no money.  I get no prize.  My truck will run the same.  My credit card will swipe the same.  So what the heck is this obsessive desire that lies within so many of us?  Because I have no life, and far to much spare time on my hands I have devoted a great deal of thought to this subject.  So far this is what I’ve come up with… nothing!  I can find no logical explanation for this behaviour.

From this moment forward, however, things are going to change.  I vow, at this time, to accept whatever dollar amount the pump stops on.  Starting today I will hang it up at $41.27 and I will do it without a second thought, and with a smile on my face.  No more will I undertake the tedious task of hitting $.00 on my fill up.  I don’t care anymore!

Today, I am a free man.  Free from the bondage of a practice that should have become extinct with the introduction of credit and debit cards.  Free from the chains that have kept me out in the cold for seconds longer than necessary because I couldn’t just leave well enough alone!

Join me, dear friends.  Join me in this new found freedom.  I have a dream.  A dream of a world where $.00 never shows up on a gas receipt ever again because we simply don’t care.  A dream of a world where $41.27 is considered the “perfect pump” simply because that’s where the trigger kicked off! 

Join me in this quest for freedom… Do it for sanity.  Do it for fun.  Do it because you can!

January 20th was a day of great importance in the world.  A day of historical importance.  A day of change.  A day of new beginnings.  Dare I say the dawn of a new era, at the very least, in American history if not world history.

As a Canadian, I confess that I have not watched the U.S. political scene as close as some.  However, I have certainly tried to keep in touch with main events.  I did spend some time on this day, as did millions, tuned into CNN watching history unfold.

President Barack Obama, the 44th President of the United States of America.  I envy him not.  It would certainly seem that the stakes are high, and the expectations are even higher.  People are genuinely excited about this man.  It matters not your nationality. Canadian, American, European, African, all watched intently as this man was sworn into, arguably, the most powerful post in the entire world.

I listened to his speech and was certainly moved.  His speaks so eloquently, so intelligently, so passionately.  Who doesn’t want to get on board with this man and what he speaks of?  He is a man of great vision, and he speaks of change.  At a time when there are wars being fought, when the economy is crashing, when the environment is seemingly deteriorating before us, who doesn’t want change?

While I see no problem with a level of excitement and anticipation, I worry that perhaps the standard to which some hold this man may be too high.  Yes, he is the President of the United States.  True, he speaks well, and is very convincing.  At the end of the day, however, let us not forget that he is still one man.  A human, like you or I.

If he accomplishes even a small portion of that which he is intent on doing, then I dare say that the United States will be a better place.  The ripple effect of such an accomplishment would, without question, be felt throughout the world.  For that I do have hope.

My true hope, however, still lies with one man.  A man who’s feet stirred the dust of this earth 2000 years ago.  A man who came from a humble beginning, born into conditions in which most simply can’t fathom.  A man who offered change, who offered hope, who offered a better life… an eternal life.  A man whom many rejected then, and many still reject today.

Great leaders can make a difference.  Great leaders can bring about change.  Those leaders can make their difference from a stage as grand as the one that awaits the President of the United States or from a stage as humble as a broken down, hellish place like the slums of Calcutta.

Only one, though, offers a change that affect us in this life, and the one to come.  There is nothing wrong with having hope in the leaders of this world.  Just the same, my prayer is that we always remember to keep that hope in perspective!

“Change can happen” was a theme of President Barack Obama’s campaign.  It’s a wonderful thought.  A thought filled with hope and promise for brighter days ahead.  It’s also a very true statement.  Change can indeed happen.  It requires effort though.  Not the effort of a single man becoming the President.  No, for change to happen it requires an individual effort on the part of each of us.  It requires a long look in the mirror.  It requires a reflective look within.  It requires a heartfelt look to heaven.

Change can happen… if you look in the right place.  I’ll look to Jesus.

“For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him.”
John 3:16-17

Can I just say, in case I haven’t already, that Kara DioGuardi is awesome!  She is the best thing to happen to American Idol in a very long time!  Finally, somebody to give Simon a run for his money.  She is feisty and I love it.

Now that we’ve established the best, shall we take  a moment to reflect on the worst?  How about the fact that the first 8 minutes of the show were devoted to Tatiana the giggling fool?  Good grief.  Talk about a train wreck.  Yet, they put her through!  

Oh, and what about Akilah?  The songwriter that can’t write or sing?  They actually devoted 6 minutes of the show to her, I timed it!  Oh, and of the 6 minutes, exactly every last second was awful and a waste of network television!!!

I propose the following strategy to the producers.  For every 1 minute of total crap auditions, can we get 10 minutes of television worth watching?  I think that is a fair ratio, not too much to ask.

I actually watched most of the San Fran auditions on fast forward.  It was one of the worst episodes I’ve watched in a long time.  It’s making me feel even more confident about Danny Gokey!

Perhaps the only highlight of tonight’s episode, aside from watching Kara, was Kai Kalama, and even then, I had to wait until the last 2 minutes of the show to finally see his audition.  That guy can sing!  He is solid, but needs to work on his “performance”.  If he does that, I expect he will go a very long way in the competition too!

Final thought… great to hear “I Can Only Imagine” by MercyMe at the end of the show.

When I was a kid I was quite accident prone.  In fact, I suspect by the time my age hit double digits, my hospital file was quite possibly thicker than my parents and sister’s combined.  This was partially due to my invincible kamikaze nature, and partially due to good old fashioned stupidity.

There is one thing I used to do better than anybody though, and that was fall up the stairs.  I can see you now, “huh?”  I know.  Odd isn’t it?  One doesn’t fall up the stairs.  One falls down the stairs.  Gravity says so.  Well as I look back now, it seems that I have a knack for doing things backwards.  So just go with me.

A wife.  A home. A dog.  A child, or two or six.  A dream job.  It’s a common thread that ties us all together.  Most all of us wish, hope, pray, and strive or these things.  I am no different.  I desired each, and, much to my delight I had acquired all but one.  Then something happened.  I fell up the stairs!

In the last 2 years I went from having it all, to losing it all.  I owned a home, now I live in a tiny apartment.  I had my dream job, now I’m working the exact same hours as when I started in radio full time in 1996.  I had a dog, now, I have a picture.  I had a wife, now I am alone.

In a very short period of time I went from having nearly everything I dreamed about, minus a child, to having lost it all.  I suddenly found my life going backwards at an extremely accelerated pace.  Worst of all, there seemed to be very little I could do about it.

I will spare the personal details, although I will offer some clarity so as to not paint the wrong picture.  The house was sold.  The dream job was left behind.  My dog is with my wife.  My wife has chose to not be with me.

As Forrest Gump so quaintly, and eloquently put it, “Life is like a box of chocolates.  You never know what you’re gonna get.”  Have such simple, yet truer words ever been spoken?  I dare say no.

I, on other hand, looking back, now see life from a somewhat different perspective.  Life, is like a set a stairs.  Sometimes you walk the stairs as a steady pace, slowly moving closer to that which awaits at the top.  Other times, perhaps you run them more briskly.  Then, there are those times whether the pace be fast, or the pace be slow, where you simply fall down the stairs, or fall up the stairs.

The key, regardless of where you land and how you got there, is to simply grab your breath, bandage your wounds, collect your thoughts, and once again start climbing those stairs.

You see, as I have come to learn it, one can not be handed defeat, one can only accept it (and yes, you may quote me on that).  As long as you chose to simply not accept it, you can press on!

Life has dealt me some very unexpected blows and I have accepted responsibility for each of them where needed.  However, I won’t allow them to keep me from climbing those stairs.  There is always forgiveness.  There is always second chances (and third and fourth and fifth chances for those a little slower to catch on).  Each stair, is one step closer to your dream.  Each time you fall, whether up or down, if you’re smart, you’ll learn a valuable lesson that will make the ascent to the top a little easier.

As much as I’d like to think I’ll never fall up the stairs again, I’m not so naive as to accept it as truth. But one day, I know I’ll be able to look back and finish the sentence…

I fell up the stairs… but then I kept climbing!

Cold and Flu season is upon us.  Up to this point, I’ve been very blessed as to suffer from neither.  Many of my co-workers at FM 92.1 and 1380 CKPC, however, have not been so fortunate.  Lord willing, I will continue to experience such a blessing.

There is something about this time of the year that has me somewhat perplexed, and I offer this to you now to consider for yourself.

When we have a cold we often use the following two phrases…

“My nose is runny.”

“My nose is stuffy.”

As you read those perhaps you are thinking to yourself, “Ok, so what?  I use those phrases all the time when I’m sick.  Big deal.”

Here is the part that has me slightly flummoxed.  Look past face value of those statements.  Consider them at a slightly deeper level.  When you do this, you can’t help but notice that they seem to be the opposite of each other.  So why is it we use these statements interchangeably? 

Really, in doing so what are we saying?  We’re saying that the toilet is flushing while it’s plugged!  I apologize for the slightly graphic metaphor, but in essence, that is what we’re saying.

I can appreciate the fact that I have far too much time on my hands to sit around and contemplate such things.  Far be it from me to consider myself a master of the English language as well.  But there are certain things that just sound funny.  Look at how huge that little guy is.  That genius is such an idiot.  The silence is deafening.  I broke that accidentally on purpose.

The oxymoron.  I was in public school when I learned that term.  It has always stuck out in my mind.  I mean, lets be honest, when you’re a kid anything with the term moron in it is one you’re going to remember.  It would seem that is exactly what we have here.

So dear friends, grab that Kleenex and blow!  Blow for all your worth while your nose is runny.  For, if you don’t free it all before it’s too late, it might get stuffy!

I am on the air 5 days a week.  That means that 5 times a week I sit down at the computer and surf through cyberspace looking for things to talk about.  I don’t have a model of the ideal content.  I just click from one place to the next looking for stuff that grabs my attention.  My theory has always been if it sparks my interest, then odds are it will spark the interests of others as well.

While looking for stuff to talk about this weekend I came across one of those stories that is just too good to pass up.  As I read it my thoughts were conflicted.  On one had, it was total ludicrous.  On the other hand, I found myself wondering why it is that my mind isn’t diabolical enough to create such a scheme and profit from it.

In answer to the latter, it probably has something to do with my Christian upbringing and the fact that I could never take advantage of somebody in such a way.  Thus, I am left to earn my living the old fashioned way.

With the economy in the dumps, wouldn’t be great to become psychic and rich while sitting on the crapper?

That’s the dream of paranormal researcher Joshua P. Warren had, and he’s made it a reality with his money making kit called “Put This By Your Toilet and Make Money Being Psychic in Two Weeks.”

The Kit comes with a booklet of daily exercises to improve one’s psychic ability and teaches people how to channel cold hard cash to come their way.

But the cosmic kit only works if you’re sitting on the can.

Warren explains, “It works better on the toilet because it’s a place we visit several times a day.  There we’re alone and become reflective and relaxed.  People enter the alpha brain state in the bathroom, and are more receptive to new ideas and learning.”

Is it even possible for this to be real?  Apparently it is!  I can’t even begin to comprehend  how someone would come to spend money on this, but apparently some will.  $9.88US with a money back guarantee, in case you’re in the market!

My favorite part of the entire article is this line, “…and he’s made it a reality with his money making kit.”

That really, and likely inadvertently, says it all.  “HIS money making kit.”  That’s right.  Because he is the only one that will be making any money off of this!!!

I can appreciate that with the dawn of wireless internet and cell phones the bathroom has become one more place for productivity.  Deny it all you want, but at some point I’m sure we all have, or will, send an email, answer a text message, surf Facebook or answer a phone call while on the throne.

I can’t argue with the fact that, as Mr. Warren points out, I’m alone in the bathroom.  I don’t know how reflective and relaxed I become.  I guess I’ve never really given it much thought.  Oh, but wait, perhaps therein lies the answer?

All that said, I don’t suspect that my psychic powers are any better in the can than they are anywhere else.  When it comes right down to it, I have no psychic powers, nor do I have an interest in possessing or developing psychic powers on the john or otherwise!

As appealing as the idea of channeling cold hard cash to come my way sounds, I fear the price of my sanity is simply too steep.  Besides, if I actually ordered this kit, used it on the toilet, and anybody ever found out, be it friends or family, all the money in the world isn’t going to get me out of my straight jacket and padded room!!!

In the meantime, if you’d like to help me from having to resort to such extremes to make ends meet, please feel free to visit marcscottonline.com and book me for your voice over job! :-)