Because I Can… the random thoughts of Marc Scott

When I started sharing my thoughts on American Idol it was just something I did for fun.  I figured, I had a blog, I needed something to blog about… why not blog about Idol.  I had no idea what it would turn into.  

People tune into my radio show specifically to hear what I have to say about Idol.  I get phone calls at work if they missed my recap.  My blog traffic has gone through the roof.  I get emails from people who want to discuss it.  I’m even getting people stopping me on the street now commenting on something I’ve said on the air or something they’ve read in this blog regarding American Idol.

It’s actually a little intimidating now.  I feel like the pressure is on to have a great recap and analysis every week.  I really had no clue people would get so into one man’s thoughts on a TV show.  At the same time, it’s very flattering.  Who doesn’t enjoy having their opinion appreciated and respected!

So I pledge to do my best to share my thoughts and keep you in the loop.  Now all I need to do is hope this blog finds its way to the appropriate people so that next year I can be sitting in a judges chair right in between Paula and Kara! Oh how I would relish the opportunity to share my criticism, constructive of course, with somebody like Tatiana Del Toro! :p

On our way to the Top 12, I’d have to say that America got it right.  It’s never an easy thing to choose.  Actually, I’m a little sad that Ricky Braddy didn’t get another shot after nailing his performance last night.  It just goes to show that the pre-vote coverage that everybody gets can make all the difference in the world.  Up until last night, nobody knew Brent Keith or Ricky Braddy, who are both extremely talented and deserving singers.  A little more TV time prior to the vote could have made a difference.

I know it’s certainly no consolation for them at the time, but just making it the final 36 is an accomplishment to be proud of.  Out of an entire country of hopefuls, you need to be proud to go that far!  Opportunity will come knocking for many of these people, even if it’s not as the next American Idol.

Alexis Grace was without question the best female performer in her group.  I would have been completely throttled if she wasn’t the female to get in.  What impressed me even more about this young lady is that her performance tonight was even better.  There is a lot of potential hidden in that tiny frame.  Watch out for this girl!  She has some serious soul!

Michael Sarver has been one I’ve been talking about from his first audition and Michael Sarver is a man that needs to bring it on his next performance!  He has such a great voice, and he is a guy that is easy to like.  Last night though, he nearly blew it for himself.  In my opinion, it was the total wrong song!  Micheal is far better than that.  He needs to go back to the soulful stuff that got him here.  He’ll be alright, and I think he’ll be around for a while.  Plus, Simon likes him and that certainly helps!

I think it’s hilarious that they left Danny and Tatiana to the end.  When Ryan called them to the stage was everybody screaming because they love Danny or because they knew Tatiana was about to be sent home???!!! HA HA!  I suspect it was a combination of both, with a slight lean to the latter!

No surprise that Danny got in.  After all, he is going to win the entire thing!  I’ve said it from day one.  I suspect nobody is sad to see Tatiana go either.  The only thing that is a little sad about that is she gave me some really funny sound bites for the radio show.  I will miss them a little.

So the first 3 members of the American Idol Season 8 Top 12 are Alexis Grace, Michael Sarver and Danny Gokey.  America got it right.  That is exactly how it should have been.

Next week Matt Giraud gets in!

Busy night tonight.  A funeral visitation, a trip to Ikea.  A fire call.  Building furniture.  However, I did just finish Idol and here are a few quick thoughts…

Jackie Tohn: Bad song!  Even worse pants!  She’s fun.  I like her personality.

Ricky Braddy: I don’t even remember this guy, but he nailed it tonight.  Wow.  Of course, it helps that he song one of my all time favorite songs (although I prefer the Michael Buble version).  Great vocal.  Solid performance.  I’d like to see him stick around.

Alexis Grace: The girl has got soul!  Wow!  Best female of the night hands down!  She’ll be back.

Brent Keith: I think this guy is a lot better than his performance would make you believe.  There is something there, but I don’t think he put it out there as much, or as good, as he could have and should have tonight.  Look for this guy to pop up on Nashville Star perhaps.  Plus, Kara thinks he is cute.  Having Kara think you’re cute is worth the Idol journey alone!

Stevie Wright: Train wreck!  Wrong key!

Anoop Desai:  I’ve liked this guy from day one, but he didn’t bring it tonight.  Definitely the wrong song choice!

Casey Carlson: You know what I love, I love when somebody tanks, and instead of critiquing the song, they just talk about how beautiful you are!

Michael Sarver:  I love this guy.  I seriously have been pulling from him.  But totally wrong song tonight!!!  He’s got soul.  He needs to pick better songs if he is given another chance.  I hope he gets that chance.  He really is a great singer!

Ann Marie Boskovich: She has a good voice.  Tonight was not her best performance though, and the stakes are high.  Tonight needed to be her best performance.

Stephen Fowler: Bad spin on a great song.  I really like this guy, but he finished himself off tonight.  That’s too bad.

Tatiana Del Toro: When I found out she was singing Whitney I actually cheered.  Only Whitney sings Whitney and does it well.  So I cheered because I knew she was putting, what stinking well better be, the final nail in her coffin!!!  If she comes back, then America is screwing with the show on purpose!

Danny Gokey: I have picked this guy to win from audition week.  But, if I’m going to be completely honest, I wasn’t nearly as impressed as Randy, Paula and Kara were.  I was with Simon.  It was good, it wasn’t great.  It’s also not even close to what Danny is capable of.  No worries though.  He’s guaranteed to be back.  He’ll have a chance to redeem himself!

All in all… a rather forgettable show filled with a lot of less than stellar performances.

Success is the goal isn’t it?  Do we not all want to do something and do it well?  Professionally and personally, do we not set goals and then take the steps necessary to bring about favorable outcome?  It seems logical enough doesn’t it?  Really, who wants to fail?  Who wants to reflect back on their days behind and with memories of inadequacy and nonperformance?  I suspect no one.

If this is to be the case, then why is it that so often we set ourselves up for the very thing we are trying to avoid?  Could it be that we find comfort in the status quo?  Might it be possible that complacency keeps us from meeting our true potential?  There is, after all, a sense of security to be found in familiar.  Sometimes I wonder if that doesn’t keep us from actually striving for more.

What about fear?  Have you ever stopped to consider whether fear of failure is the very thing that leads to failure?  It could just as easily be equally to blame as fear of success.  It’s a rather interesting paradox don’t you agree?

I often spend a couple of hours each day recording and submitting auditions and proposals for voice work.  Sometimes the work comes, other times, it does not.  It can be an extremely frustrating process.  To devote such time and effort to an endeavor that, some days, is seemingly futile is a true test of patience and persistence.

I spent some time pondering this today.  What I have come to realize is that expecting to lose is a comfortable way of failing.  By being afraid to fail, I have sub consciously set my expectations lower so that when I actually do fail, it feels like a win.  How so, you ask?  Simple, if I expect to fail, then I do fail, then I was right.  It’s a convoluted way of thinking, I agree.  But my fear of failure, is actually leading me to fail because my expectations are set no higher.

Think about it this way.  If I have my heart set on landing a job, and I submit my audition and proposal for it and then I don’t get the gig, I feel defeated.  But if I submit my audition and proposal never actually expecting to land the gig, then when I don’t land it, it’s no big deal.  After all, I had no expectation to book it in the first place.  My fear of failure has just caused me to fail.

Attitude is no substitute for talent.  However, that being said, attitude can be the difference maker.  If I take my time to submit the best possible audition and proposal for every opportunity that comes my way, eventually I’m going to start booking them.  If I expect success, I work harder to achieve that success.  In the end, that is going to pay off.

I had got into such a rut with auditioning.  I found myself in a place where I did it out of habit, more so than I did out of a desire to book jobs.  I was going through the motions.  I’d wake up each day, look at the list of jobs available, pick up a couple, send in a demo, and then carry on with my day, never really expecting to hear back.  I was sabotaging myself so I wouldn’t have to feel the sting of defeat when I didn’t land the gigs I really wanted.  What’s even worse is, I was doing it all sub-consciously!  I was beating myself without even realizing.

We must not allow ourselves to fear failure.  When I look back over my career, I can see the times my expectations were high.  It was during those times that I felt I could do no wrong.  Every on air shift I did felt like my best yet.  Every audition I submitted turned into a booking.

My faith tells me that I am blessed.  That I am to live life, and live it abundantly.  That means that doors are going to open for me.  That means the window of opportunity is going to be waiting for me to climb through.  All I have to do is believe it, and work for it and towards it!  I have to be willing to receive it as well!  In order for that to happen, I cannot fear failure.  I have to put myself out there.  That means there will be times when I won’t get the job.  There will be days when I’ll wish I could crawl back in bed and wish my radio show never happened.  But there will be a lot more days when I’ll feel like every swing is a home run!  Those are the days that make it worth while!

Call me old fashioned, but I just don’t believe there is any possible circumstance or scenario that justifies a man hitting a woman.  I’ve thought about this a lot, and it’s just wrong, plain and simple.  That is part of the reason why there has been such a public outcry regarding the alleged incident between Chris Brown and Rihanna.

Finally today, Chris Brown has broke his silence and this is what he had to say..

“Words cannot begin to express how sorry and saddened I am over what transpired,” the 19-year-old said in a statement released by his spokesman. “I am seeking the counseling of my pastor, my mother and other loved ones and I am committed, with God’s help, to emerging a better person.”

He added, “Much of what has been speculated or reported on blogs and/or reported in the media is wrong. While I would like to be able to talk about this more, until the legal issues are resolved, this is all I can say except that I have not written any messages or made any posts to Facebook, on blogs or any place else. Those posts or writings under my name are frauds.”

Source: CNN.com

The cynic in me says, “well done Chris you’ve hired somebody to prepare a statement for you that says exactly what you thought you should say to try and salvage whatever may be left of your image and career.”  Then there is the other part of me.  The faith side of me.  That side is a little more compassionate.  It says, “Chris, I don’t know your heart, and it’s not not my place to judge you.  All I can do is pray that your words come from the heart, and are spoken with the utmost sincerity.”

Really, there is no more left for any of us to say.  We weren’t there.  We don’t know the whole story.  We are very quick to grab whatever facts, or supposed facts, we can find, and from there we formulate an opinion.  The problem is, it’s not our right to judge Chris Brown.  Do we have to agree with what he has allegedly done?  Absolutely not.  Do we have to keep listening to his music?  Not unless you’d like to.

The only thing we have to do is forgive him.  We have to show him grace.  Should you or I find ourselves in a difficult situation, we would no doubt hope for the same thing.  So why are we so slow to offer the same to others?  I’ll be the first to admit that I have been guilty of withholding forgiveness.  It’s not the easy thing to do.  Then again, how often in your life has the right thing to do ever been the easy thing to do?

It is really all summed in a simple statement.  It was spoken 2000 years ago by a man who had some serious public perception issues by no fault of his own.  He understood what it was like to be the one they were pointing at, and He was the first to come to the defense of others when they were on the receiving end of the accusatory pointed finger.

“If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone.”

After that, there is really nothing more to say.

So Valentine’s Day is behind us and I am happy to report that, indeed, as I suspected I would… I survived.

I have a lot of issues with Valentine’s Day.  Mostly, because it’s an over commercialized crock of a holiday that people have been brainwashed into believing is important.  I say this not because I’m cynical.  Not because I’m bitter.  Not even because I’m single.  I say it for reasons quite to the contrary.  I believe this to be true because I am actually a romantic at heart.

We should not need a special day endorsed by the executives of the greeting card industry to express our love to others.  It should actually be in the very fibre of our being.  An expression that takes place everyday of every year by our words, by our actions, by our faith!

Does a rose smell any sweeter on February 14th than it does on October 18th?  Are the words “I love you” given a fresh meaning that we are unable to comprehend or experience on any other day of the year?  Do acts of kindness go unnoticed if they’re unaccompanied by a heart shaped greeting card?  Of course they don’t.  So why then do we need Valentine’s Day?

In an ideal world, in a world that I hope I will help create, and one day live in, everyday should be Valentine’s Day because everyday should be a good day to show love!  I speak not exclusively of a romantic love either.  I speak of a love that treats others as we wished to be treated.  A love where we reach out to those in need.  Where we extend our hand to those who have theirs reaching out.  I strive for  a love that is selfless, when so many know only a love that is selfish!

Valentine’s Day has become a day where love is expected, and I fear that in the midst of that message, we have allowed ourselves to become complacent.  It is as if we are allowed to show love less on the other days, as long as we do it well on this one.  But one should never have to try to love.  One should never have to be reminded to love.  We shouldn’t require a calendar with an “x” on a specific date so that we can see it on our way out the door and remember to get flowers on the way home!  It’s not supposed to be like that.  

Who do you love?  Is it your husband?  Your wife?  Is it a boyfriend or girlfriend?  Is it your parents, your children?  Your best friend?  Married or divorced, dating or single, it shouldn’t matter.  Anytime is the right time to express love.  Do it today.  Do it tomorrow.  Do it everyday.  Do it with a rose, with a dinner, with a box of chocolates.  Offer a smile.  Offer a hug.  Pay for the coffee for the person behind you in the drive thru line.  Help a neighbour.  Sponsor a child.  Don’t love because a holiday says you have to.  Love because it’s good.  Because it’s right.  Love today, and do it because you can!

Show me a 16 year old that hasn’t done something stupid, and I’ll show you a 16 year old that isn’t telling the whole truth.  Does this mean all 16 year olds are delinquents?  Certainly not!  It just means that 16 year olds are not fully developed people.  As a result, from time to time they have momentary lapse in judgement that cause them to do things they likely wouldn’t do had they taken the time to consider their actions a little deeper.

As an example, I give you Miley Cyrus.  It seems Miley has got herself in a bit of hot water this week for doing one of these very things I’m speaking of.  A temporary lapse in judgement lead her to do something that, had she given it more thought, I have no doubt she wouldn’t have done.

Her “crime”… posing for a picture with friends doing “slanty eyes.”  This is a stupid adolescent act that practically everyone has done at some point in time.  It’s something that gets done not to be racist, not to be insulting, not to offend, but simply because, sometimes people do dumb things because they don’t fully think it through.

If you are I were to do this, and be honest, have you really never done it, it would not become an international incident.  Unfortunately, in the case of Miley Cyrus, it has become an international incident and now, somebody is looking for their pay day!  

According to court documents, Lucie J. Kim, who brought the suit against the pop star, claims to represent over 1 million people of Asian Pacific Islander descent  in the Los Angeles area. Kim claims that she and others are victims “of [Cyrus’] discriminatory acts.”

In the suit filed in LA County Superior Court, Kim claims that each Asian Pacific Islander in L.A. County, which the suit approximates to be around 1 million, is entitled to a minimum of $4,000 for a civil-rights violation stemming from the photograph. The damages could exceed $4 billion.

Source: MSNBC.com

What Miley did was stupid.  There is no question about it.  But what this individual is doing should be considered more criminal than the original act!  Call it fraud, call it extortion, call it what it is… somebody looking to take advantage of a situation to enjoy a pay day and garner a little fame.

I can only hope that this ridiculous lawsuit gets dropped before it ever even makes its way to a judge.  There are actual criminals out there committing actual crimes!  Is this really the kind of junk we need clogging up the justice system?

I will concede that celebrities find themselves in a position of recognition.  Does that mean they are to be held at a higher standard?  Perhaps.  Perhaps not.  Arguments could certainly be made either way.  As I have said before though, we are all still people who put their pants on one leg at a time.

If this lawsuit actually sees the light of day, then perhaps I should file a lawsuit of my own.  How about a lawsuit on behalf of all white people against the producers of the television show “The Jeffersons.”  George Jefferson often referred to white people as honkies.  This could easily be construed as a derogatory remark.  Who is to say that it is any less insulting to label a race than it is to “impersonate” a race?  Just think of the money we could get.  $4,000 per person multiplied by the number of white people?  Dang!  Now that would be a pay day.

Yes, as you are thinking it, I am typing it… that is the most utterly ridiculous thing a person to think of.  Equally as ridiculous as the Lucie J. Kim’s lawsuit!

Cell phones with cameras and YouTube have made our world a dangerous place to live, especially for people in the public eye.  There is no such thing as privacy anymore.  Watch your back, because somebody else always is and one day, it’ll be on the front page of the National Enquirer!

By now, no doubt, everybody is well aware of the story of “Octomom” and her 14 children.  A great deal of outrage and controversy surrounds this women and the doctor that is responsible for her treatment.  She is 33, a single mother, living with her mother, and completely unable to support herself and her new, greatly increased family.

A lot of people are ticked off because this women is, basically, livng off “the system.”  She collects food stamps and Social Security disability payments to try and make ends meet.  Taxpayers are supporting this woman and her family.

As I’ve followed along I’ve been torn on my opinion of this situation.  On one hand, I read of a woman that seems to be genuine in her desire to be a mom to her children.  I can’t fault that, although I don’t think she needed 14 children to satisfy her desire.  On the other hand, I see a woman who, almost immediately upon the birth of her children, hires a publicist/media rep and is shopping her story for large sums of money for possible books, movies, tv shows, and photo opportunities.

I find myself questioning her intentions.  Could it be that a woman has purposely set herself up to have so many children entirely for the hopes of finding her gold mine?  Was she doing this simply in hopes that movies rights, book rights, and photo rights would be her ticket to financial wealth?

What I have concluded is, it is no more my place to judge her than it is any others.

However, today I read a new story and this story really bothers me.  It seems that a web site has now been set up by “Octomom” in order to collect donations to help her support her children.  This has me greatly conflicted.  Knowing that she couldn’t support the children she already had, why would she, or better yet, how could she, in good conscience have more?  Now that she has, how could she have the nerve to seek public assistance on top of the handouts she’s already getting from the government?

Just thinking about it frustrated me.  With so many living in poverty, with so many losing their jobs and there homes, here is a woman who is seemingly taking advantage of the system out of her own selfishness and greed.

As I was sitting here reading the article though, something happened to me.  I glanced up to the shelf on my desk and I saw a photo of Cristhian.  He is my “little brother.”  Actually, he is the child I sponsor through World Vision.  Cristhian is the most adorable little boy from Peru.  I choose him out of all the other children because we shared a birthday.

Cristhian had no choice over where he was born.  He had no say regarding the circumstances he would face.  If any child had a choice of where they could be born, do you think any of them would choose difficult circumstances?  Do you think any would choose to suffer from poverty?  Hunger?  Lack of education?  No clean drinking water?  Insufficient medical care?  Of course not.  It’s for that reason that I chose to support Cristhian.  I am so blessed to have been born in North American and to be born into a family that could meet my needs.  Not every child is so lucky.  So the least I can do is give a little back.  My only regret is that I didn’t sponsor a World Vision child sooner!

When I think about Cristhian, my perspective changes.  Octomom has 14 kids, and I don’t condone her decision.  I don’t like the idea of her profiting from poor choice.  However, do the children deserve to suffer because of the mistakes of their mother?  They are the innocent victims in trapped in a scenario they had no control over.

When I think about the children, my frustration turns to compassion.  When I think about them I think, maybe it’s not so bad that Nadya Suleman is looking for a helping hand.  Even if I question whether she deserves it, there is no question that her children do!

Sponsor a child through World Vision http://worldvision.ca

I’m living blogging round 4 while I watch it.  So here are my random thoughts…

Anoop Desai is the first to make it in.  Good choice.  I like this guy.

Von Smith seems to try way to hard, and as a result, I’ve been unimpressed thus far.  I think if this guy relaxes a bit maybe he’d be a little better.

Adam Lambert is way to theatrical for me.  Unless he steps it up, I don’t expect him to last long.

Taylor Vaifanua has been on and off and on and off.  If she can control her nerves though, I think she could be one of the stand out females.  She really has great pipes.  I look forward to seeing more of her.

Joanna Pacitti… good grief.  For a girl who was a professional recording artist, how is it possible that she has forgot her lyrics every single time?  Simon is so hardcore about lyrics and I can’t believe that she is in.  This one really bothers me.  She was terrible.  She never gave a single audition worthy of being here.  The conspiracy is apparently true!!!  They are trying to fix Idol.  Speak with the vote!  That’s all we can do now.  Somebody more deserving is going home to keep this girl in.  That sucks!

Have I ever mentioned that Kristen McNamara is a cutie?  She said “Oh golly.”  That’s adorable.  I’m glad that she is through, and I think Simon was totally wrong and I’m glad he got out voted on this one!  That being said, you had to know she was going through.  She is the one that’s got all the TV time.  I didn’t even know who the other girl was.

Scott MacIntyre brings a cool dynamic to the show.  When he sings and plays he is really good.  His voice reminds me a bit of Josh Groban.

Lil Rounds is going to be another one of the stand out females!

Simon is brutal sometimes.  I mean, just brutal.  He’s honest, but still, it’s hardcore!

OK, after a brief interruption for a fire call… we’re back to live blogging Idol.

Danny & Jamar are simply great.  Great singers, great friends, great guys.  Definitely an inspiration.  We should all be so lucky to experience friendship like that.  Danny, as I’ve said all along will be there at the end.  I am really surprised that Jamar isn’t in.  Actually, I’m shocked.  How is it that he gets sent home and somebody like Joanna gets to stay?  That is utterly ridiculous!  Everybody in the room knew he belonged!  I think they got this one wrong!

Stephen Fowler has such a fantastic voice.  If anybody deserves a second shot, he deserves it.

Norman Gentle… Nick Mitchell… I don’t even know what to say about this guy.  I really don’t.  But somebody please explain to me how he is in and Jamar is out?  That’s just wrong!!!

Have I mentioned in this blog that Kara is so cute?

Jackie Tohn reminds me a bit of Melissa Etheridge.  A bit a raw, gritty, raspy rock voice.  But she can sing a ballad too.  I’m looking forward to seeing her develop.

For the love of bacon… Tatiana Del Toro… what do we have to do to make her go away???  This is the most outrageously stupid thing!  How is this possible?  What a crock.  I quit!!!

Jackie Midkiff deserved to make it through over Nathaniel Marshall no question.  I don’t get it.

So it comes down to Matt Breitzke and Michael Sarver (formerly Jeremy Michael Sarver???).  Both of these guys are so cool with such great stories.  I have liked them both from the beginning.  I think it’s awesome that they’re both in.  That is definitely the right call!

So now the fun begins!

One of the toughest transitions for me in becoming a bachelor involved navigating my way around a kitchen.  Certainly I could always find my way to the refrigerator to get myself a nice cold Dr Pepper.  But outside of hot dogs and Kraft Dinner (which are awesome together – as in, chop up the hot dogs and mix them into the Kraft Dinner) I am pretty much useless in the kitchen.

I do not live on an unlimited income, sadly.  Therefore, dinner out every night was not an option.  Further to that, being single again, should I ever hope to find myself in a relationship with my very own cross between Ginger Rogers and Audrey Hepburn, a life of Big Mac’s and Papa Burgers wasn’t going to help.  It’s hard to go bowling when you can’t fit out the door of your apartment, or so I’ve heard.

There is one other factor in the mix.  I am a Firefighter.  If there is one universal fear amongst all Firefighters, I suspect it would be this… having the Fire Department show up at your house because you burned it down!  As if my culinary skills weren’t already an issue for me, now I have the added pressure of not setting fire to my apartment!

When I first moved into my place, I lived like a true bachelor.  My grocery list looked something like this…
Bread
Milk
Cheese
Kraft Dinner
Chunky Soup
Peanut Butter
Dr Pepper

I was clueless.  I was afraid.  I also had one pot and nothing to stir it with!  This true blue bachelor phase lasted for a while before I grew tired of Kraft Dinner.  I mean, really, choosing between White Cheddar KD and Regular Cheddar KD is not exactly like looking over the menu at Red Lobster!

As the days and weeks passed, my confidence began to grow.  I started by adding a few much needed supplies to my kitchen.  A couple pots, a frying pan, wooden spoons (for the first time in my life I had a wooden spoon that mom wasn’t going to break over my butt!!!) a few measuring cups, and a wicked cool set of stainless steel knives later, I figured I was good to go.  I was ready to become a masterful culinary genius.

My grocery list improved over time too.  I began to add things like chicken, pork chops and fresh vegetables (my parents would never believe it, but I’m sure they’d be proud).  I would spend time cutting and chopping and slicing and dicing and all the while having no sweet clue what I was doing!  A dash of onion salt here, a pinch of chopped garlic there, a squeeze of lemon juice and a glaze of maple and I was ready for my chef’s hat and apron.

I have no recipes.  I never have.  I just make it up as I go along.  I figure, worst case scenario, since I’m the only one eating, I’m the only one that suffers, so experiment away.  I have often said that if you don’t know what you’re doing… at least look the part!  So I stand in my kitchen, perched over my cutting board, a dish towel draped over my shoulder for effect, masterfully handling my fancy knives as fencer would handle a sword.

Yes, I could fool a great many people with my ability to play the part.  If one didn’t know any better, they might actually be convinced that I know what I’m doing.  In your mind you’re picturing me working away at creating a delectable assortment of the finest cuisine.  It’s the image of the towel over my shoulder that really does it for you isn’t it?  Yeah, I thought so.  That’s why I do it!  Yes, it’s quite the show… and for the grand finale… I blow up the rice!!!

Monday night I was working on one of my masterpieces.  I had a steak cooking that had been marinating since Sunday, I had the peppers, mushrooms and broccoli chopped and soaking in lemon juice ready to be tossed into the mix.  The vegetables were to be served on a bed of rice.  Keep in mind, I’m still a bachelor, so I had a package of Uncle Ben’s Express Rice that you nuke for 2 minutes in the microwave.

As all the other elements were finishing up, I hurriedly tossed the rice into the microwave to cook and set the table to dine (I may be a bachelor, but I still eat at the table – most of the time).  As I was placing the cutlery I heard a noise that seemed a little out of place.  A bit of a whistle.  I thought nothing of it.  Slowly, however, the whistle turned more to a high pitched scream.  This sound was a little more alarming.  I had visions of fire and smoke detectors and my pager going off and my fire department responding.  Something in my kitchen was going wrong… very wrong!

Before the frightening and chaotic scenario finished playing out in my mind… a gun shot!  I clutched my chest… no blood.  I looked left, l looked right.  A quick scan of the room found no intruders and nothing out of place. I felt no pain.  I couldn’t possibly be wounded, or wait, could I be in shock?  I paused for a moment, breathed in deeply, then it hit me.  I know what happened.

When you make Uncle Ben’s Express Rice, before you start the microwave you must tear open a corner of the bag.  This was a detail that, in my haste, I may have overlooked.  As a result, as the temperature increased in the package and insufficient ventilation was available as a result of my oversight, the package exploded.

Illusions of grandeur quickly left my mind.  I am not Gordon Ramsey, I am not Jamie Oliver, I am not Emeril.  No friends, I am still but a simple bachelor, uneducated in the ways of the kitchen, and as a result… I blew up the rice!