I once read that if you like somebody you should tell them. It might be embarrassing, but you’ll never regret stepping up. There is truth in that. I suppose there is truth in that. Of course, all the truth in the world wouldn’t actually make me bold enough to make such a move.
Loneliness is bad for me. Of course, it’s not really good for anyone. But I definitely know it’s bad for me. It gives me too much time to think. I’m a thinker. Those that know me well would say I’m an over-thinker. They’re right. I guess that’s why they know me well. I confess, that I most definitely over think. Especially when it comes to girls and the idea of telling one I like them.
In my loneliness, which leaves me in my thought, I cover the spectrum. To the moon and back. If you’re going to think something through, you may as well cover all your bases. That’s what I say anyway. My first thought is usually something like this… I will tell this girl I like her, and she will tell me she likes me back. It will be perfect, and beautiful, and romantic, and just like a Fred & Ginger movie. Without question, we’ll live happily ever after! I like that thought. I think that may be why I daydream so much. If I can’t find it in reality, I create it for myself in an alternate reality. For the record, I’m not crazy.
After I’ve covered the sensational side of thought, I move it a little more towards the middle. These thoughts usually include things like, maybe she’ll like me. Maybe she’ll agree to go out with me and we’ll decide we like each other. Maybe we’ll just be friends. Maybe this will be the first and last conversation we’ll ever have. Maybe she’ll have a boyfriend. Maybe she’ll be engaged. Or, even worse, maybe she’ll be married! As I work my way through the middle towards the other end of my thought spectrum, I usually arrive at the, who’s kidding who… she’s not even going to talk to me side.
This, I have decided, with no actual experience to base it on mind you, is where my reality exists. This is what keeps me from talking to girls. That and the fact that I do not have the talent of conversing easily with people I’ve never met. For the ladies reading, yes, that is a Mr Darcy quote from Pride & Prejudice. And yes, I’ve seen the movie several times and rather enjoyed it, though I’ve not yet read the book. I will. I don’t know why I’ve decided this is where my reality lies. I just know I’ve thought about it plenty and assume this is how it would play out.
On the far reaching side of the spectrum from the young lady in question turning out to be the one true love of my life, there is my greatest fear. This, in fact, has also kept me from speaking to ladies on numerous occasions. You are going to laugh. It’s OK. I laugh too. In my little parallel universe of thought, I fear that I will confess my interest to a lady only for her to tell me she was previously a man. It sounds utterly ridiculous, but these days, it could happen!
Today I spent the day with 400 women. It gets better. I spent the day with 4 other guys with 400 women. Think about those odds for a minute. 400 women… 5 guys. Pretty stellar. If you’re a guy. Oh, but I’m not done yet. Of the 5 of us guys, 2 were married. That means, 400 women and 3 guys. It just keeps getting better. “It’s like heaven,” one of them joked.
I worked an event for World Vision today. It’s an event for women (Girls Night Out). You figured that out right? I thought so. Anyway, it was me and 4 other guys that were running the bulk of the event. I want you to know that none of us do this to meet women, although, after reading the first 600 words of this blog you may think that. However, at the end of the event, the married guys were most definitely harassing us single guys about whether or not we got any numbers. None of us did.
I spent most of the day floating around the venue desperately attempting to go unnoticed. Meeting women was, in fact, that farthest thought from my mind. I feel confident in saying that none of these women may have previously been men, so that wasn’t necessarily a factor in my desire to go unnoticed. That’s just kind of how I role at these events.
As the event came to a close, I found myself sitting off to the side of the stage, the man behind the curtain if you will. The MC for day, Kelita, (who is spectacular is so many ways – Kelita.com) was sitting at the piano, and lead the ladies in Amazing Grace. As I sat there in the quiet darkness of the offstage area, I found myself moved nearly to tears as I listened to the chorus of 400 angels singing such a beautiful song.
I don’t know if being one of a handful of single guys in a room of 400 woman is necessarily how I would describe heaven. But I will say this, I really hope it sounds a little something like they did as they sang that song!
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