When I was younger people used to bet me that I was going to have a heart attack by age 25. I don’t know exactly what happened, but I think maybe I missed the memo on life and the common length of it. For some reason, as a result, I felt compelled to accomplish everything by 25.
I wanted to be on the radio, so when I was in my final year of high school, I did a co-op at a radio station. I had to put in 3 hours a day. Often, I put in 8. I sometimes even went in on weekends. I was pretty hardcore. When I graduated from high school, I got a job at that same station for the summer. In the winter, I got hired at a different station full time. I was 18.
I decided to skip college and work for a year. I figured it would be a good way to save some money for school and gain a little experience in the industry. I’m not exactly sure who I was trying to fool. I was never going to go to college.
I was a machine. I wanted a career, I wanted success, and I worked my tail off for it. By the age of 20, I was doing radio and TV. That lasted for a while until I went full time into TV. I worked stupid hours there. I mean, entirely stupid hours. It wasn’t uncommon for me to go into the office on a Thursday and not come home until a Monday. I’d just sleep on the set of 100 Huntley St whenever I got a little tired. Eventually, I think around 22, I got back into radio, and did both for a while, yet again.
People figured I’d have a heart attack because I worked way to much and I never slept. I also didn’t eat very well. It’s a wonder I’m not 600 pounds! I just really felt like I knew what I wanted to do and I was going to work until I accomplished it. I didn’t really think too much about the consequences. I also didn’t feel like there was any point in taking my time. Why not get it done now? So I kept going and by 26 I was running a radio station… my career goal.
I’m 30 now. I’m wiser. Of course, I had to lose absolutely everything including my wife, my house, my career and even my dog, to gain said wisdom. But I gained it. I’ve learned about pacing myself. I’ve learned about priorities. I’m a recovering workaholic, and I thank God every single day that I never had that heart attack by age 25!
I watched a great movie tonight. Stranger Than Fiction. If you haven’t seen it, I’d recommend you do. What a profound movie. It really left me sitting and thinking about my life.
We all do what we do each day. Much of it, I suspect, is routine and mundane. Of course, all of life can’t be an exciting adventure I suppose. But it makes me wonder, if we knew how our story was going to play out, and I mean, our entire life story, would we do things differently? If you knew the date of your death, would you keep going the way you’re going? Or would you change it all up and live the life you really want to live?
I like to think that I’m on track. That I’m serving a purpose. That I’m accomplishing things I’m supposed to be accomplishing. We all want to believe that. We want what we do here, what we say, the relationships we have, we want it all to matter. But when I asked myself the question, if I knew when I’d die would I do anything differently, I couldn’t help but think maybe I would.
That’s a tough reality to face. If there are things I’d do differently if I knew more about my story, then that means I’m not doing things the way I want to do them now. It means I’m settling or compromising. I don’t think it necessarily means I’m doing anything wrong. I just have to wonder if I’m doing things the way I’d really like. I mean, really deep down inside, the way I’d like.
The truth is, much like the movie, there is an author that is writing our story. The big difference is, we don’t get any insights into the next chapter, or even the next page. As much as we may like to know how, and when our story is going to end, those details aren’t for us to be thinking about right now. Wayne’s World will not going down in history as being one of the more profound movies of our time, but it did give us this gentle reminder to, “Live in the now man!”
I still have goals. Things I’d like to accomplish personally and professionally. I think that’s important. I also think it’s important to have a certain level of liquidity too. Things aren’t always going to play out like we planned because, at the end of the day, we are not the author of our story. Like Harold Crick, we are a character. We still get to have choices, and we still get to make decisions, but the story, including the ending, has already been written. It just motivates me make the best decisions possible while I work my way there.
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