Because I Can… the random thoughts of Marc Scott

The single hits radio on Monday August 31

A friend of mine, and fellow firefighter, posted this video on his Facebook page.  As I watched it tonight I knew I had to share it.

I share it as a firefighter.  One who has seen the carnage caused by a motor vehicle collision.  One who has cut casualties from the mangled wreckage.  One who has seen life ended too soon.  There are images that are forever burned into my mind.  Images that nobody should have to see.  My hands have been covered in the blood.  My eyes have seen the terror on the faces of those involved, and the loved ones who are left behind.

I share it as a son, brother, grandson and nephew.  One who never wants his family to get “that call.”  I was hit head on in a vehicle once.  If I close my eyes I can replay the entire experience in my head.  It may have only taken seconds to unfold from impact to stop, but it plays out in slow motion in my mind.  It was one of the most frightening moments of my life.  I was lucky.  That time, I walked away.

I share it as a friend.  As someone who cares about you.  As someone who never wants you to know the pain.  Experience the loss.  See the devastation.  Get the call.  Or make the call.

This particular video is centered around texting and driving.  Its applications go far beyond.  Consider it while talking on your cell without a hands free device.  Remember it the next time you’ve been out and had a couple drinks.  Think about it when you’re looking in your rearview mirror the check or touch up your makeup.  Replay it in your mind while you’re rooting through your purse, book bag or trying to reach for something in the back seat.  We’re all guilty in some capacity or another.  We’ve all taken chances.  We’ve all said it will never happen to me.

I will warn you, the video is quite graphic.  However, I can also say, from experience, that it’s quite real!  Watch it.  Think about it.  Share this post with people you care about.  Get home safe.

One of my favorite things to do is go for a drive with a destination in mind, but not a route.  Until you’ve done it, you’ll never appreciate all that you’re missing out on.  Some people, often city folk, may be surprised to hear this, but there are roads in this province outside of the QEW and 400 series highways!  Many, many roads.  Wide roads and narrow roads.  Straight roads and curved roads.  Flat roads and roads with high crests and steep hills.  Some of them go through cities and towns, and others cut through country, edged by long grass, tall trees and farmer’s fields.

When I was a child riding in the backseat of our old green Ford, I remember thinking two things.  First, it must be so much fun to be able to drive a car.  Second, I have no idea how mom and dad can remember how to get so many places!  I recall being paralyzed by the thought of having to navigate my way to some place other than Grandma’s house.  I’d never be able to do it.  So many roads.  So many turns.  There was simply no way.

I laugh at that thought now.  Mostly because my mission in life, or at least one of them seems to be, is to find as many different ways to get to the same place as possible.  Sometimes I just set out and randomly head in the general direction of my destination.  Other times I’ll glance over a map.  Still other times, I’ll rely on my trusty GPS.  Well… for the most part it’s trusty.  I’m never really concerned with getting lost.  Mostly I’m just looking for adventure.  New sights.  New smells.  New twists and turns and hills and places.

Going from A to B in my truck is a delight for me.  Often times, it’s a relaxing escape from the mundane routine of my life.  Wake at the same time.  Eat at the same time.  Shower at the same time.  Go to work at the same time.  There is no need for a watch in my world.  My routine keeps track of everything.  So my random road trips break it up.  They provide relief.  A new experience to break the same old day to day life.

If only life itself, could be as easy as my road trips.  That, however, is an entirely different animal.  Whereas my road trips are based on never knowing whether I’ll turn left or right, life itself often requires a little more thought.  A little more structure.  A little more certainty.

The proverbial fork in the road.  We’ve all been there, done that.  It’s happened to us a thousand times before, and it will happen to us a thousand times again.  Many times, the decision is small.  Simple.  Of little significance.  Often, as we head on our chosen path, if things aren’t working out, we double back and try the other road.  Every so often though, we’re faced with a grander quandary.  One that requires much more thought.  Much more attention.  One that, once a path has been chosen, we cannot so easily make our way back.  I often find this happens as we get older.  Things matter more.  Youth maybe isn’t on our side as it was once before.  Responsibilities we’ve acquired over the years take a toll on our decisions.

I find myself standing at such a fork.  I look left, and find safety.  Perhaps a level of assuredness.  Comfort in the tried and tested.  Familiarity in the known.  A path, no doubt, filled with it’s share of obstacles, but one that I’ve walked along for many years.  One that I am as familiar with as I am the route to Grandma’s house.

Then I look right.  Down this path, I see a dream.  A vision of what could be.  Of what I may wish to be.  It, however, is an unknown road.  It’s obstacles may be few.  It’s obstacles may be many.  I can’t really say with much certainly, as I’ve never journeyed down this road.  While I’m confident of what rewards would be waiting at the end of the path to my left, I can only hypothesize about the rewards, if any, waiting on the path to my right.

I’ve been standing and looking at this fork for about a month now, though it’s been the sole focus of my thoughts during this present week.  It’s consumed me day and night.  Left?  Right?  A decision must be made.  I question whether it’s an act of faith or stupidity?  Is it a test in bravery or cowardice?  Do I choose what will be, or what might be?  Then again, even with the anticipated certainty of one path, does anybody ever really know what will be or what might be?

Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires. Psalm 37:4

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. Proverbs 3:5-6

I’ve never prayed as fervently about something as I’ve prayed about this.  Were it not for my ability to reach out to God, I have no doubt this decision would make my head explode.  My heart breaks to think that people try and make decisions like this alone.  I haven’t found my answer yet, but I believe with all my heart that I will.  When the time is right, God will guide my steps, so long as I’m willing, and I will start my journey left or right.  And when I do, I will travel with confidence knowing this time, there will be no need for looking back.

There was a time, not so long ago, when words flowed.  All I had to do was open my laptop, position my fingers over the keys, and let them do the talking.  My job was simple.  Check for spelling mistakes.  The rest just seemed to happen.  I honestly didn’t have to try or think or even edit really.  Give me 20 minutes, and there was a blog.

Truth be told, it was kind of frustrating sometimes.  Many nights I would go to bed, turn out the light, close my eyes, feel the cool breeze of the fan sweep across my face, and drift into the darkness I couldn’t see.

Sleep was often not swift to come.  Instead, swirling inside my head like fallen leaves on a green October blanket of grass were words.  Sentences.  Paragraphs.  All this in place of dreams.  Ideas jumping onto a screen instead of sheep jumping over a fence or the moon or wherever those sheep are supposed to jump.

More often then not, I would have to get out of bed at 2 in the morning and type those thoughts into a blog.  Freeing the words from my mind was the only way I could convince it to shutdown and go to sleep.  This went on daily for around 6 months.

I don’t know what happened.  I have some theories.  Most of them rubbish I suppose, but they are theories nonetheless.  Having grown up in a small town where homes relied on cisterns for water, I am all too familiar with the act of turning on a dry faucet.  Where there is no water, there is no flow.  Perhaps my well of words has simply dried up.

Once a cistern has been run dry, it is in such a state it will remain until it is filled again.  This provided the basis for a theory of greater concern.  Since my blogs are often about change or growth or lessons learned, I’ve pondered whether or not I’ve reached a dry spell, as it were, in my life.  Perhaps there are no words to write, because there has been a lack in my life.  We should always be changing, growing, learning, or so I tell myself.

It is in winter that the land lies dormant.  It rests.  It heals from the punishment inflicted upon it by massive green combines and tractors with 8 tires the size of a Volkswagen.  From it’s dusty brown bed it’s birthed wheat and oats and corn.  It’s provided nourishment for us for another year.  Before it can do it again, it rests.  Snow provides it’s fluffy white pillow, the cool crisp air it’s blanket.  It rests.

After this season comes spring.  A time of freshness.  Renewed fields come to life, ready to be worked and planted.  Ready to be kissed by the rain and hugged by the warmth of the sun.  Ready to produce again.

Of all the theories I’ve tossed around in my head, I like this theory the best.  Though I’ve never considered myself a writer, and thus have ruled out the theory of writers block, perhaps I’m just in period of winter.  Of rest.  My hope is that a new season is just around the corner.

One of my favorite things to do is turn off all the lights in my apartment and watch a thunderstorm.  I’ll sit on the patio as long as I can, and then move inside and watch through the sliding door when the rain hits hard.

People don’t always appreciate thunderstorms.  They are viewed as a nuisance.  An annoyance.  This act of nature that floods our basements, drowns our gardens and turns off our TV’s without use of a remote.  I look at them differently though.  I see God in the storm.  I see an exquisitely painted picture of forgiveness and grace.  I see darkness overcome by light.

We had a great storm tonight.  One of the best I’ve had to pleasure of witnessing in quite some time.  I sat in the patio, slouched back in the comfortable embrace of my Muskoka chair, legs outstretched on the railing, and in the stillness and the night, I took in all that I saw, felt, and experienced.

Below are some of my thoughts that I posted to my Twitter page in the midst of the storm.  My hope is that you’ll read them and maybe next time allow yourself to view this natural symphony in a different light.

I just saw the greatest lightning strike of my life. 4 bolts simultaneously moving north, south, east & west! It seems the show isn’t over!
23:27

And as gently and softly as it moved it, it moves out with the same quiet, yet commanding, grace.
23:14

A double bolted strike of fork lightning just lit the darkness bright as day. It’s needs no words to be appreciated. Just eyes.
23:05

Even Fred & Ginger could not dance with the grace of these bold streaks of light stepping brightly across the night sky.
22:43

One flash of lightning is all it takes to separate the vast pool of blackened sky. A left to right stroke as if God were signing His name.
22:30

The tallest, strongest, boldest trees are reduced to but mere shadows in the face of the storm. Puppets swaying at the command of the wind.
22:27

Nature’s symphony. A perfect blend of music and light. The original rock concert performed by God.
22:17

What a beautiful picture this paints. Even in the blackest night. The thickest dark. Light can always prevail! Thank you for grace!
22:08

The floodgates of heaven have opened. The calm silence broken by the forceful charge of the rain.
22:06

The clouds have take on an orangey red tint. The firefighter in me is smiling.
22:04

The authoritative groan of thunder is near. The trees are beginning to dance. The air is stirring. It’s presence now felt and heard.
22:00

The crickets song provides the most fitting & soothing accompaniment for this illuminating spectacle in the clouds. I sit in awe of creation.
21:52

The air is so thick and heavy tonight. It’s like being hugged tighly in a blanket that you can feel but not touch.
21:47

Twitter.com/MarcScott